villanelle
VILLANELLEA miserable childhood. Yes, of course.Where else would any analyst first look?Accused, I use unnecessary force. I pummel at myself without remorse,a sucker punch, a merciless right hook.A...
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Mike--Sounds like you've been reading Sharon Olds.If I had any nits, it might be the cookingmetaphor in L. 8, but even that seems to fit infairly well.Fine piece of work.Jason
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I agree with Jason on both the praise, and the slight qualification. Nice work.
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Guys, that eighth line is a bitch! I've turned it around in several ways, either with "cook" as the end-word, or with others:I slam the door, upset the breakfast nook(no good -- even more intrusive...
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Jason--as per your suggestion, what about this?"Then, marriage & expedient divorce. I go from Sharon Olds to Louise Glck.Accused, I use unnecessary force." ...Well, maybe not. Cherchant le vers,...
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Actually, Mike, that really seems to work in context.I sympathize with the problem--Clem's my Court of Last Resort, too, far too often.If anything strikes me overnight, I'll let you know.And yes, the...
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WHODUNNITA miserable childhood. Yes, of course.Where else would any analyst first look?Accused, I use unnecessary force. I pummel at myself without remorse,a sucker punch, a merciless right hook.A...
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Have you considered skipping the metaphor altogether and just continue the though from line 7."resentful, but polite, quite by the book." Just a thought...
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Mr. B--thanks for the suggestion. I take it the present line doesn't work for you. I liked it the last time I looked -- "The simplest recipe, I overcook." It does support the second repetend, re:...
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It really is difficult to write a meaningful poem when restricted by severe disciplines. The villanelle in particular becomes very repetitive unless treated with absolute respect. You did a great job....
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Hello Mike.Like the others I don't come here very often except when I'm posting something, so I've only just seen this.It is simple and well-structured. You make good use of the form, and I like the...
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I don't have anything terribly insightful to say, but I really enjoyed this. I wonder if all this force is a nod to 'Do not go gentle..' ? -mw
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Then, marriage & expedient divorce.(I hear you say, "Mike, don't be such a sook")Accused, I use unnecessary force.????Peter
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I don't understand the villanelle form, but I can't help thinking something is wrong in the use of Pentateuch (five books), and a six stanza format. Though it works in reference to the content...
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